Nothing a Shiv to the Jugular Couldn’t Solve

GoneGator    Uncategorized     Barack Obama, Gitmo, John Boehner, Shiv, Terrorists

I know this is going to come as a shock to loyal Main and College readers, but there are a bunch of chicken-shit Republicans in Congress who have it all wrong.

They shouldn’t fear the possible transfer of Guantanamo detainees to the States to await trials in U.S. courts.

They should welcome it.

At Guantanamo, these detainees are coddled. House Republican leader John Boehner said as much last week (wink wink, nudge nudge) after President Obama signed an executive order to close Gitmo:

“I don’t know that there is a terrorist treated better anywhere in the world than what has happened at Guantanamo,” Boehner said. “We have spent hundreds of millions of dollars to build a facility that has more comforts than a lot of Americans get.”

OK John, then let’s start treating them like Americans! Drop those detainees into the general population at the most violent of United States penitentiaries, turn a cheek back to Washington, and let the system complete the mission our military started at Gitmo: the neutralization of “military combatants.” Without so much as a single torturous interrogation.

Believe me, America’s prisons are the last place a terrorist detainee wants to be.

At Gitmo, detainees are surrounded by sympathetic brothers in jihad. At Leavenworth or Sing Sing, they’d be surrounded by American mother fuckers ready to stick a shiv in their jugular.

Come on, it would only be a matter of time before hardened American prisoners beat the life out of every last terrorist detainee — saving American lives and money. Can you think of a bigger trophy for a violent criminal pulling a life sentence? Eliminating a “towel-head” could be the one thing to give meaning to an otherwise meaningless existence.

And don’t forget the innumerable asshole guards who’d love a few minutes with one of those terrorist bastards.

So you go, Barack! Do the right thing by non-terrorist detainees and release them. But throw the rest into our system of justice, where the Geneva Conventions are not an issue.

Then watch them disappear.

Obama Inaugurama!!!

Lev Davidovich Wuerffel    Uncategorized     Caucasian, gay, gay marriage, Inauguration, liberal, Pakistan, Yahweh

So, like many of you, I took almost an hour out of my workday to watch “Barack H. Obama” (did you notice that that’s how he was introduced, though Roberts did use the “Hussein” during the swearing in?) officially end the worst goddamned eight political years of my life (and keep in mind that I STILL FUCKING HATE FUCKING REAGAN!). I watched with 7-8 Valencia faculty and staff and one lone African-American student who wandered into our administrative offices. It was cute that when Roberts asked people to stand that those around me did, too, though I wouldn’t despite their entreaties (dude, it’s on TV–we’re not there). And they clapped and whooped at various times during the speech.

So why do I feel so underwhelmed by all this? Out of all the people I watched it with, I surely donated way more money to the campaign, and only one other person there did any canvassing like I did (though mine was a paltry two days’ worth right before the election). Shouldn’t I have been clapping and standing and misty-eyed and such?

Nah. I was willing to do a lot to get Barry elected, but the Hopey-McChange rhetoric can’t help us now that he’s in. I’m no pie-in-the-sky optimist. He’s facing some of the biggest difficulties any president has since FDR, and the lovefest will die out pretty fast when tough choices get made. And keep in mind that we elected a guy who’s a little too conservative for my tastes: note his opposition to gay marriage, willingness to sabre rattle with Pakistan, etc. I mean, douchebag-driven Rick Warren delivered the invocation, and I snickered when he said something about loving all the people on earth (you know, except those gays, the love for whom should be displayed by sending them to some place where reading the bible can cure them of their unnatural lusts).

Yeah, yeah, I know–he has to do these things to triangulate and get elected, but hey liberals: don’t be too sure that he doesn’t actually believe in some bearded, sandal-wearing, Caucasian god and hold other views that don’t match yours. Still, this doesn’t mean he’s not a damn far sight better than anyone we’ve had in that office since I’ve been alive. He is. But don’t let the ground hit you too hard the first time he legislates against something near and dear to you.

Government in the Sunshine Would Be Nice

GoneGator    Politics     Barack Obama, Inauguration, Web 2.0

Within seconds (give or take) of Barack Obama taking the oath, another more stealth transition took place when his administration launched the new WhiteHouse.gov website. Obama’s Director of New Media (man, I’d love to have that job) posted a “change has come” letter on the site’s blog simultaneously with some very encouraging words:

“WhiteHouse.gov and the rest of the Administration’s online programs will put citizens first.”

The new site’s priorities: Communication, Transparency, and Participation.

The executive branch has gone Web 2.0. Finally.

I plan to spend more time tonight exploring the new site, but a few things jump out at me right away:

1. The Agenda

This section lists in great detail Obama’s agenda for 24 major issues. And if you participated on the Change.gov site during the transition, you know that his agenda was shaped in part by ideas submitted by ordinary Americans — and extraordinary ones like my friends and me ; )

2. White House 101

Subtitled “Facts and Fun For All Ages,” this section includes a bunch of great stuff about presidential pets.

3. Office of Public Liaison

This “front door to the White House” is in its infancy, but promises great opportunity to interact with the Obama administration. Overseen by Obama’s longtime Chicago pal Valerie Jarrett.

I expect to have more to say later once I have a chance to review Obama’s inaugural address and digest its meaning.

Inauguration Day Should Be a National Holiday

GoneGator    Politics    

Sure, I might be more excited about this Inauguration than any other in my lifetime, but such an important event that occurs just once every four years absolutely should be a national holiday.

Barack Needs to Give Merchandising a Rest

GoneGator    Politics    

The Obama team, as brilliant in the field of marketing as they are, need to stop it with all the merchandising. A couple of days ago, I got a package from the Inauguration committee with an “official invitation” — heavy stock, embossed lettering, presidential seal. But in reality it was a direct mail pitch to buy a bunch of Barack crap to help pay for the event. Sure, this is history, but come on …

No Respect for SEC Hoops as Gators Hide

GoneGator    College Basketball, Florida Gators     Billy Donovan, Jeremy Foley, Nick Calathes

I’m not sure what to make of the fact that as conference play began in earnest this week, the SEC was getting absolutely no respect (at least on the men’s side).

This week’s AP poll featured only one SEC team: Tennessee, hanging on at No. 24 (and certainly out of next week’s poll after its blowout loss to Kentucky at home last night). The coaches’ poll was completely void of SEC schools. And it’s hard for anyone down South to complain.

Oh, where have you gone, Florida Gators?

Remember them, the back-to-back NCAA champions in 2006 and ’07? As of this writing, Florida may have the league’s best overall record at 14-2, but it doesn’t have a signature victory (unless you want to count a road win at UWashington back in November). The Gators lost their highest profile games — to Syracuse (89-83) and Florida State (57-55).

Florida is a long way from getting any sort of Top 25 consideration.

And for that, I blame Billy Donovan and Florida A.D. Jeremy Foley. God love ‘em, but they did the program no favors this season by lining up a pathetically weak pre-conference schedule for the second year in a row.

A pattycake slate made sense last season, after losing all five starters from its national-title teams. But this year? With so many players returning from a team that made it to the 2008 NIT Final Four, there was little reason for the Gators to crawl into the season like a bunch of newbies. Donovan should have set them up with plenty of challenges to toughen them for an NCAA run in 2009.

I mean, really … Southern Utah? Florida Gulf Coast? Stetson? Longwood? Couldn’t the Gators have replaced a couple of those games with major-conference matchups on national TV?

The only way Nick Calathes and Co. are going to learn what it takes to win championships is to compete against championship-caliber teams. They did little of that leading up to this SEC season. As things stand, I believe the Gators need to win 11 or 12 regular-season conference games to earn NCAA Tournament at-large consideration. In a down year for the SEC, that certainly is achievable.

And if Florida doesn’t make the Big Dance this year?

Fans mights start wishing Donovan had not left the Orlando Magic at the altar.

… It’s Great To Be A Florida Gator!

GoneGator    College Football, Florida Gators    

Ahmad Black’s steal of an interception. Riley Cooper in his swan song before heading to pro baseball. Percy Harvin at only 90 percent(!). Aaron Hernandez on shuttle passes. Big-game receiver David Nelson. Tim Tebow being Tim Tebow. And the SEC’s BEST DEFENSE. Gators rule yet again! Thank you Urban Meyer!

… Screw You Sooners! Gators Over Oklahoma

GoneGator    College Football, Florida Gators, Prognostication    

I’ve consulted with friends, family, seers, and most importantly my rabbit hound Big Boy, and have concluded that Florida will win big tonight over Oklahoma. Let’s call it a 10-point margin with an O/U of 75. Go Gators!

Getting Serious About College Basketball

GoneGator    College Basketball, Florida Gators    

I just bit the bullet and ordered ESPN Full Court so I can see every Florida Gators game the rest of the season. I think today’s win over N.C. State is going to be a turning point, and I don’t want to miss what comes next.

Is Tyrod Taylor Following in Marcus Vick’s Footsteps?

GoneGator    College Football     Frank Beamer, Jim Weaver, Marcus Vick, Tyrod Taylor, Virginia Tech

Virginia Tech sophomore QB Tyrod Taylor is an unquestionable talent. But he’s also an undeniable prick on the field, witnessed at least three times during the Orange Bowl:

• after a sideline run when he pushed the ball in his tackler’s face;
• at the end of his touchdown run when he tucked his hand behind his helmet as he pushed the ball across the goal line, dancing inside the pylon; and
• during a post-game celebration pose — leaning back, arms crossed, head bobbing.

Those were not isolated incidents. Throughout his two seasons, Tyrod — the supposed team-first player — has shown an oh-so-subtle flair for taunts and showboating in almost every game in which he appears. Subtle, because he taunts in a hit-and-run style that can go unnoticed. Methinks he gets away with it because of his innocent, baby face — and his 13-2 record as a starter.

But the Hokies should be embarrassed. And no one moreso than coach Frank Beamer.

What happened to Beamer’s get-tough policy? In the wake of the infamous Marcus Vick chest stomp in 2005 and other incidents that were tarnishing the Hokies’ program, Beamer announced before the 2006 season a set of escalating penalties for unsportsmanlike play.

And don’t forget this quote from Virginia Tech AD Jim Weaver in January 2006 after he (not Beamer) dismissed Vick from the program:

“Additionally, let me make it clear, to everyone, that Virginia Tech, myself and Head Coach Frank Beamer; will never put a single player above the integrity of this program or this great University. We owe that much to the players of the past who have helped put Virginia Tech on the map, and to the thousands of Tech fans who take pride in this program.”

But Beamer and Weaver seem to be turning a blind eye to Tyrod’s antics.

(Or am I the only one who sees this? Refs did not throw a flag on either of the Orange Bowl incidents I saw, TV commentators said nothing, and Hokie fans I know are silent.)

Evidently, Beamer either cannot discipline Taylor, or is afraid to. And because of that, I’m convinced that sooner or later, Tyrod is going to have his chest-stomping moment and prove himself to be just another Hampton Roads punk like the Vick brothers before him.

Tyrod, prove me wrong. Stop the posing and the taunting. Don’t waste your talent. Just play ball.

And Frank, grow a pair and do something about this before Taylor revives unfair talk of VT being Thug U.