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Nothing a Shiv to the Jugular Couldn’t Solve
I know this is going to come as a shock to loyal Main and College readers, but there are a bunch of chicken-shit Republicans in Congress who have it all wrong.
They shouldn’t fear the possible transfer of Guantanamo detainees to the States to await trials in U.S. courts.
They should welcome it.
At Guantanamo, these detainees are coddled. House Republican leader John Boehner said as much last week (wink wink, nudge nudge) after President Obama signed an executive order to close Gitmo:
“I don’t know that there is a terrorist treated better anywhere in the world than what has happened at Guantanamo,” Boehner said. “We have spent hundreds of millions of dollars to build a facility that has more comforts than a lot of Americans get.”
OK John, then let’s start treating them like Americans! Drop those detainees into the general population at the most violent of United States penitentiaries, turn a cheek back to Washington, and let the system complete the mission our military started at Gitmo: the neutralization of “military combatants.” Without so much as a single torturous interrogation.
Believe me, America’s prisons are the last place a terrorist detainee wants to be.
At Gitmo, detainees are surrounded by sympathetic brothers in jihad. At Leavenworth or Sing Sing, they’d be surrounded by American mother fuckers ready to stick a shiv in their jugular.
Come on, it would only be a matter of time before hardened American prisoners beat the life out of every last terrorist detainee — saving American lives and money. Can you think of a bigger trophy for a violent criminal pulling a life sentence? Eliminating a “towel-head” could be the one thing to give meaning to an otherwise meaningless existence.
And don’t forget the innumerable asshole guards who’d love a few minutes with one of those terrorist bastards.
So you go, Barack! Do the right thing by non-terrorist detainees and release them. But throw the rest into our system of justice, where the Geneva Conventions are not an issue.
Then watch them disappear.
Discussion
5 comments for “Nothing a Shiv to the Jugular Couldn’t Solve”
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PROFANITY!!!
You know you like it …
I thought you used a shiv in someone’s side???? Have I been misinformed?
That sounds like the standard shiv technique you’d hear about on “The Wire.”
However, I’m pretty sure that any piece of metal shoved through the skin into the jugular vein will do a lot of damage. But it’s not as cool as hitting the carotid artery on the other side of the neck, as that will get you spray.
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