How Big Are Barack Obama’s Balls?

GoneGator    Financial Reform     Bara, Barack Obama, Barry the Uniter

Today, President Obama (yes, teabaggers, he really is our president — and a natural born citizen to boot!) will stand in New York City on the same stage upon which Abraham Lincoln stood 150 years ago to speak out against the institution of slavery.

What an opportunity for a classic Obama speech. If I was his speechwriter, here’s what I would pitch as the theme:

“When Lincoln stood on this stage in 1860, he spoke on behalf of freedom for African-American slaves. But today, all but the most privileged of Americans are slaves — slaves to Wall Street and its excesses. It’s time for a new emancipation proclamation. Join me as we take back America!”

Can you imagine how conflicted all those Tea Partiers would be after such a statement?

Instead, I’m sure Obama will use politically prudent language and phrases such as “rules of the road” and “free market doesn’t mean you’re free to do whatever you want.” With more than 6 in 10 Americans supporting stricter financial regulations, he’s on solid ground.

But it should would be nice to hear stronger rhetoric from our first black president, bridging 150 years of great oratory on a stage rich in symbolism.

What I Knew and When I Knew It

GoneGator    Sports     sex, Tiger Woods

While the likes of People and the Inquirer were comically chasing false leads back in December, I had already deduced — through information from more reliable sources — that Tiger Woods had checked into the Pine Grove rehabilitation facility in Hattiesburg, Miss., for treatment with noted sex addiction therapist Dr. Patrick Carnes.

Nearly two weeks passed before that story became public, as I privately gloated over holding such valuable knowledge.

Well, maybe “gloat” isn’t the right word. A more accurate verb would be “ruminate.” I have dozens of journalist friends who would have killed to know what I knew, friends who could have advanced their careers by breaking the story. But I held back for two reasons.

1. I did not want to unintentionally thrust myself or my sources into the story, and
2. I believed that Tiger Woods was entitled to privately chase his demons for as long as he could hold off the media.

Look, I don’t disagree that Tiger brought all this scrutiny upon himself. He’s the one who cheated on his wife and screwed countless porn star wanna-be’s from coast to coast. He’s the one who allowed a traffic incident to go rogue by giving the world the silent treatment as though hoping the unfortunate episode would disappear into the haze of so many bad dreams. He’s the one who for years allowed his squeaky-clean lie of a life to be perpetuated by handlers, friends and the media.

But does that make Tiger evil? I don’t think so. It just makes him human.

And Tiger is not just any human. He’s a walking dichotomy — a gifted golfer from infancy who never really had a childhood, yet never stopped being a child until the day he hit that tree.

If anyone needs help, Tiger does. And he deserves the opportunity to seek that help as privately as possible.