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This Is Going in Your Permanent Record, Young Man!
Remember when some teacher said that shit to you in middle school, and you were like, “Fuck off, granny, nobody’s gonna give a shit in 20 years that I said your ass smells like sausage and gravy from Skeeter’s (inside, old-timey Gainesville reference!). Well, you were probably right…
Florida Is a Stupid State
Presumably this will be Part I in a series of infinite duration. Imagine this scenario: a 17-year-old Christian girl starts a Facebook friendship with a Muslim family in another state. After the girl has a fight with her mother, she runs away to that Muslim family (let’s say about 900 miles away) where she takes [...]
Yet Another Sign of the Apocalypse
Yet another sign of the apocalypse … Now there’s social media for your baby at http://lilgrams.com/. Really, America, how much higher can we make that pedestal that we put children on? Where will the insanity of child worship end? Oh where have you gone, George Carlin?
Excuse Me While I Whip This Out
To those who staged a “nurse-in” at an Orlando-area Chick-Fil-A: Spare me all this bullshit about how breast-feeding is a “natural and wonderful thing.” That’s indisputable. But we don’t need to witness that magical bond in all its exposed glory.
PETA has jumped the shark
PETA, you’ve officially lost me as a supporter for ANY initiatives you sponsor after questioning President Obama for killing a housefly.
Attention Heteros: Your Marriage is Not Threatened
I’ve had just about enough of the doomsday declarations since Vermont passed legislation legalizing marriage between consenting homosexual couples. Their argument: Homosexual marriage threatens the very institution. For the life of me, I don’t understand that logic. If Jack and Jim — or Brenda and Betty — decide to get married, and the state gives [...]
Nothing a Shiv to the Jugular Couldn’t Solve
Chicken-shit Republicans in Congress have it all wrong. They shouldn’t fear the possible transfer of Guantanamo detainees to the States to await trials in U.S. courts. They should welcome it. Someone get me a shiv!
Obama Inaugurama!!!
So, like many of you, I took almost an hour out of my workday to watch “Barack H. Obama” (did you notice that that’s how he was introduced, though Roberts did use the “Hussein” during the swearing in?) officially end the worst goddamned eight political years of my life (and keep in mind that I [...]
Obama: An Inspiration to Overweight Nation
Hailed as a savior before even taking the oath, Obama revealed during his Hawaiian vacation that he’s also working on physical perfection — and is damn close to achieving it. In doing so, might he inspire an overweight nation?
Let’s Go Bowling!
I know you’ve been anxiously anticipating my bowl picks, so without further delay, here they are — with the bowls’ older, traditional names. Screw the sponsors. (This post will be updated throughout the bowl season with results.)
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