How Big Are Barack Obama’s Balls?

GoneGator    Financial Reform     Bara, Barack Obama, Barry the Uniter

Today, President Obama (yes, teabaggers, he really is our president — and a natural born citizen to boot!) will stand in New York City on the same stage upon which Abraham Lincoln stood 150 years ago to speak out against the institution of slavery.

What an opportunity for a classic Obama speech. If I was his speechwriter, here’s what I would pitch as the theme:

“When Lincoln stood on this stage in 1860, he spoke on behalf of freedom for African-American slaves. But today, all but the most privileged of Americans are slaves — slaves to Wall Street and its excesses. It’s time for a new emancipation proclamation. Join me as we take back America!”

Can you imagine how conflicted all those Tea Partiers would be after such a statement?

Instead, I’m sure Obama will use politically prudent language and phrases such as “rules of the road” and “free market doesn’t mean you’re free to do whatever you want.” With more than 6 in 10 Americans supporting stricter financial regulations, he’s on solid ground.

But it should would be nice to hear stronger rhetoric from our first black president, bridging 150 years of great oratory on a stage rich in symbolism.

Fuck Joe Lieberman

Lev Davidovich Wuerffel    Politics     Barry the Uniter, Fuck, Lieberman

Like all good lefties, I’m pretty pissed off that Joe the Turncoat Senator will get to keep his cushy chair of the Homeland Security Committee. Still, I understand that the Dems are nearing the 60-seat, filibuster-proof majority, causing their loins to engorge with blood that rushes from their brains, as happens in rutting elks. Hence, they couldn’t help themselves from bringing Lieberman back into their caucus, lest he go fully Republican, instead of continuing to be a stealth Republican.

Also, Barry the Uniter needed to not have his party going all tribal and stringing up dissidents, so I’m sure his public two cents suggesting no punishment for Lieberman mattered. But Barry came from Chicago’s hard-core political scene: I can assure you that he has Lieberman firmly by the short and curly hairs, and Joe knows it. The next time Barry needs something from that committee, I bet he gets it. The evidence was all in Joe’s fawning and thankful comments about Barry, and his mewling apology for the things he said about him on the campaign trail.